Lately, I have really been struggling with the desire to just get away. Not for good. Not even for very long. But just away. Just for a little bit. All by myself.
Right now I feel like my days are full of unending conversations, questions, and more talking than I ever would have imagined possible from a houseful of little people.
My ears and brain get tired of constant talking. I get weary of hearing "hey mom...". I like peace and quiet, but in this house, in this season, there are not many quiet moments! It's crazy and lively and loud, and it makes me feel like my head is going to explode!
And that's why sometimes I just want to get away.
But it's hard to manage "getting away" when there are 6 little people who are depending on you.
To help Sophi learn that we are her Mama and Daddy and that we are here to stay, we've felt like it was very important not to leave her with anyone else these first few months. And so for the past 2 1/2 months, she's been with either me or Will all the time.
During the week, when Will is at work, it's hard to squeeze in time for me to get out by myself. It's equally as challenging on the weekends to carve out time for myself. There's always something that needs to be done or something somebody wants to go do. While I know it's important to take time, it's hard to make it a reality.
Will is extremely capable of taking care of all 6 kids by himself. He really does an amazing job with all of them. But Evie is still going through a stage that when she gets upset, nobody else can calm her down, but me. I know she'll be fine, but I always have a hard time leaving.
Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish. Sometimes I feel like there's too much to do - meals to cook, clothes to fold, dishes to wash, school to plan, an unending to-do list. Sometimes I'm just too tired. And sometimes I'm afraid of what the house will look like when I get back! :)
Some days, it just feels plain hard being a Mama! A break would be such a welcome mercy. Even just for 30 minutes.
And, last weekend, I knew I needed to get away! I was feeling pretty desperate! All I wanted was a run by myself. No triple jogger stroller. No having to comment on every puppy dog, trash truck, or street sweeper that we would pass. No having to reach down and pop a pacifier back in a mouth. Just me and the sound of my feet pounding the pavement and crunching the leaves. Thirty minutes of peace and quiet. All alone. Time to think and pray.
It was just what I needed. I walked in the door, feeling so much better.
When I left, Will and the big boys were at the table about to begin writing their Christmas wish lists. The "littles" were all napping. I figured they would sleep long enough for me to get in my quick run before they woke up. I thought I had timed it just right.
I guess I was wrong! When I walked in, this is what I saw...
Evie had woken up as soon as I left. And, yes, she has a mustache! Thanks to her big brothers!
The boys decided that instead of just writing their lists, they would "decorate" their Christmas lists. They raided the craft closet and someone found the face paint (that I thought I had thrown away) in the bottom of the basket. In the meantime, all of their laughing and commotion woke up Barrett.
He thoroughly enjoyed the face painting and was glad to join in the fun. This is right up his alley!
Wisely, Will decided to wait and get Sophi up after I got back. She reluctantly joined in the arts and crafts. Unsure of what to do, she didn't think it was any fun at first! In fact, she bit her hand a few times to tell us how she felt about it. But Will patiently persevered with her and eventually she started to smile. I even think it began to sink in to her little head that she belongs and that she's part of this crazy crew! It ended up being a great afternoon, mess and all! How could I not be grateful! A good run and a good laugh! A table full of happy, silly, and smiling faces! A dad taking time to teach!
I'm thankful for the little chances to get away. I'm even more thankful for the reminder from Psalms that the Lord is my "get away" and that HE is the breathing room my soul is so desperately needing right now. Even in the midst of the craziness and noise and chaos and mess...
You've always given me breathing room,
a place to get away from it all,
a lifetime pass to Your safe-house,
an open invitation as Your guest...