Tuesday, July 9, 2013

In the Dark Just Now

But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation.
My God will hear me.
Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy.
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness,
the Lord is a light for me...

The storm is just beginning to let up. We've had many, many inches of rain during the past week, and I'm pretty sure that it's the longest stretch we've had without any sunshine. I think my hydrangeas are the only ones that have appreciated the current weather situation.

Because we have a house full of stir-crazy boys who very much needed to get out of the house, we took multiple fishing trips and outdoor adventures in the pouring down rain. And because I've been a little stir-crazy (and just plain crazy) myself and have needed fresh air and a chance to clear my head, there have also been multiple jogs in less than ideal weather. Needless to say, there's been a permanent pile of wet towels, muddy shoes, and dirty rain coats by the back door. As a result, my washing machine has not stopped running.

I feel like I have been running non-stop, too. June was a busy month for Will at work. He worked long hours at the golf course {and finished up a few landscaping jobs on the side} which meant long days here at home, me flying solo with all the kids. But I'm grateful for his work because I know that through this provision, the Lord is slowly and steadily providing the funds we need for Faith's adoption. 

Speaking of our adoption, we were fingerprinted twice this past month.  We made one trip to the sheriff's office here in town for the FBI fingerprints we need for our dossier and another trip to Atlanta for our biometrics that we need for our USCIS approval. We're eagerly waiting on both of these to arrive in our mailbox so that our completed dossier can be sent to Bulgaria! We're slowly moving along in this process, getting closer and closer to finally meeting our Faith Ana! This is one of many things that we are celebrating just now!

We've definitely had our challenges this past month, but we have also had plenty of reasons to rejoice! In June alone, we celebrated 3 birthdays along with Barrett's half-birthday. We've made and decorated lots of cupcakes, and I think the kids have ingested enough sugar and food coloring to last until the next birthday in August. Happy Birthday Evie, Web, and Palmer! And Happy Half-Birthday to you, too, Barrett! You are every bit 2 1/2, and I wouldn't have you any other way!

Hank {who has been counting down the days until his birthday) has been feeling a little left out since "his birthday is always LAST." Thankfully, he had a reason to celebrate this month with a much-anticipated milestone - losing his first tooth. I think his snaggle-toothed smile now makes him feel like he joins the ranks of one of the big boys! Hank, the Lord is teaching both you and your Momma patience this summer!

Evie started walking. She's also turned out to be quite a climber. She's learning a lot from her big brothers and sister, and I have no doubt that she's going to be perfectly capable of holding her own with this wild bunch. I've never had a one year old that can throw a temper tantrum quite the way this one can. She cracks me up, and I am so thankful the Lord surprised us with this spunky baby girl! 


Thank you all who have joined us in praying for S. We are still struggling, but I'm hopeful that her sleeping issues are at least beginning to stabilize. Last night, she finally had a restful night and slept the whole night through. Unfortunately, it wasn't so restful for me. Apparently, in the middle of the night, I sat up in bed and had my usual conversation with her, telling her to lay down and be quiet. It turned out that she was sound asleep, and I must have been dreaming.  I'm pretty sure Will told me the very same thing that we always tell her. It's time to lay down and be quiet!

Speaking of being quiet, all week long I've been remembering bits and pieces of a particular passage that I had read a while back. I couldn't remember which of my favorite theologians had said these challenging words. So, this afternoon, during a rare quiet and peaceful moment, I flipped through the tattered and highlighted pages of these well-worn and much-loved devotionals of mine and found just what I was looking for. The page was turned down, and there was a date written out to the side. I think I should add a new date to the page because, yes, this exactly describes where the Lord has me just now...

At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put in the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him. "What I tell you in darkness" - watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will talk in the wrong mood: darkness is the time to listen. Don't talk to other people about it; don't read books to find out the reason of the darkness, but listen and heed. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.

After every time of darkness there comes a mixture of delight and humiliation (if there is delight only, I question whether we have heard God at all), delight in hearing God speak, but chiefly humiliation - What a long time I was in hearing that! How slow I have been in understanding that! And yet God has been saying it all these days and weeks. Now He gives you the gift of humiliation which brings the softness of heart that will always listen to God now.

All half dozen of my little people are finally tucked in for the night. The last kiss has been given. The last glass of water has been passed out. The house is quiet. {S is still wide-awake, but to her credit, she is learning to be quiet and still.} And so tonight, instead of finishing up the half dozen, half-written blog posts that I've been working on for the past month, I'm going to tell myself what I have to tell S multiple times a night, and I'm going to heed these words by Oswald Chambers.

And if this blog is unusually quiet in the days to come, it's most likely because I'm learning to do the same. I'm learning {right along with S} how to be still and how to listen. And, most importantly, I'm learning how to look to Him when I can't see the way in front of me. I might be in the dark just now, but one thing I'm very, very sure of...

He will bring me into the light...

Micah 7:7-9



  1. God has put you on my heart so much, and I am up praying for you and your family this morning. I know you've probably heard this song, but it reminds me of you. Can't wait to see redemption win. Hang in there, mama, you're covered in prayer.


  2. Melanie, I was just thinking of you and wondering how everything was going. When I read your words I have a weird mixture of reactions - first, praying for you, then soaking up your experience to prepare me for my own, while also hoping that ours is somehow easier but assuming that it will be every bit as hard?!?! Like I said, weird. I appreciate your honesty and am very grateful for resources like this blog where I can prepare my heart for potential struggles and use our waiting time to lift up those ahead of us in the journey. Our I-800A is about to get turned in once we get the final changes made on our home study update!