For now Thou dost number my steps…
Does He not see my ways,
and number all my steps?
Desperation does that to you. It can draw you to Him. If you are willing.
There is a blessed proportion. The Ruler of Providence bears a pair of scales - in this side He puts His people's trials, and in that He puts their consolations. When the scale of trial is nearly empty, you will always find the scale of consolation in nearly the same condition; and when the scale of trials is full, you will find the scale of consolation just as heavy.
When the black clouds gather most, the light is the more brightly revealed to us. When the night lowers and the tempests is coming on, the Heavenly Captain is always closest to His crew.
It is a blessed thing, that when we are the most cast down, then it is at that we are most lifted up by the consolations of the Spirit. One reason is, because trials make more room for consolation. Great hearts can only be made by great troubles. The spade of trouble digs the reservoir of comfort deeper, and makes more room for consolation.
God comes into our heart - he finds it full - He begins to break our comforts and to make it empty; then there is more room for grace. The humbler a man lies, the more comfort he will always have, because he will be more fitted to receive it. Another reason why we are often most happy in our troubles, is this - then we have the closest dealings with God. When the barn is full, man can live without God: when the purse is bursting with gold, we try to do without so much prayer. But once take our gourds away, and we want our God; once cleanse the idols out of the house, then we are compelled to honor Jehovah.
"Out of the depths have I cried unto Thee, O Lord."
There is no cry so good as that which comes from the bottom of the mountains; no prayer half so hearty as that which comes from the depths of the soul, through deep trials and afflictions. Hence they bring us to God, and we are happier; for nearness to God is happiness. Come, troubled believer, fret not over your heavy troubles, for they are heralds of weighty mercies.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Behold, I go forward but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; when He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him; He turns to the right, I cannot see Him. But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. And He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.
Happy first birthday, Haddon! I have no idea all of the things, both the good things and the mercifully hard things, that the Lord has in store for your life, but I know that He has big plans for you, my littlest boy, and I know we have nothing to fear. I also know that He is already using you in mighty ways. He's using you to help make your momma brave and strong, and for this, I am eternally grateful.